Category: Parent Talk
Hey all. I debated for awhile whether to post this to Parent Talk, or News and Views, but I decided on Parent Talk because I'm especially curious to know what the parents among us will think of this one.
On February 7 of this year, a dad found a facebook post of his daughter's in which she ranted about how it wasn't fair that she had to do so many chores and clean up her parents' messes, and about how basically she had no time for anything else. Before I go on, I'll let the Youtube video explain itself for you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=kl1ujzRidmU
You'll really need to watch the video to get the full story, but for those of you who are in a position where you can't watch, basically, the dad found the facebook post, read it aloud in the video, talked about it as if his daughter were right there with him, and then proceeded to shoot the crap out of her laptop with his 45. Now, I can come up with two ways the father was in the right here, and several in which he was not. that's not to say the teenager playing the victim role was in the right either, but:
1. The dad is consistent. so often, I hear about parents talk about how if their kid ever tries something like that again, the punishment will be a hell of a lot worse next time, and then, surprise surprise, they do it again, and the punishment doesn't get any worse. This dad was certainly as good as his word.
2. the dad taught not only his daughter, but anyone else out there that nothing you say is guaranteed to be completely hidden from any audience. Even if all your security settings are as private as possible, there's always a chance someone you don't want seeing it will read the whole thing. It's not so much of a big deal if you're ranting about a parent or a friend, but it can get you into a lot of legal trouble if you're not careful.
However, I also think it's fair to say that not only was the dad's punishment about as extreme as one can get without turning the gun on his daughter herself, or without kicking her out, all he's really showing her is that when someone wrongs you, it's OK to destroy their property. do you think that's going to stop her from behaving that way? Hell no it isn't. It may stop her from posting on facebook, or at least force her to come up with more creative ways to do it, but it's not like she's going to find out about this and suddenly realize what she was doing is wrong. In any event, two wrongs don't make a right. You can't demand respect by disrespecting the person from which you're demanding the respect.
Also, those of you who watched the video may have noticed that in certain parts, he hesitated, as if he was coming up with a story right there on the spot. He couldn't even remember which chores she had to do without thinking for a moment. I know he was angry, but come on. If you're going to post a public video, you might want to at least make it convincing. Not only that, but how do we know that what all he's saying is actually true? I mean, at least she attempted to keep her side of the story restricted to her facebook friends and not all of the internet.
Now I'm sure many people are going to have different methods of dealing with this if they were in this situation as a parent, so it will be interesting to find out what others think of this.
I think his punishment was idiotic. He only referred to less than half the things she did in her post. He never once referred to the coffee, or the mud on the floors. Frankly, I agree with her, I never ask anyone to get my coffee, and no one in my house does either. People may get a cup for someone else as a favor, but its never required. If you make a mess, you clean it up yourself, that's how it always worked with my family. I highly doubt she would have complained about that if all she had to do was wipe the counters, sweep the floors, and make her bed every day.
Next, his punishment was blatantly unsafe, and his description of the bullets actually made me laugh. Civilians cannot buy exploding rounds, and they don't make exploding pistol rounds. Unless that was a machine gun, which it wasn't, those rounds were not exploding. If he actually paid a dollar for frangible hollowpoint rounds, he needs to find a new gunstore. Second, any shooter will tell you that you never shoot anything which might shatter. He had no idea if a piece of glass or plastic or metal was going to come bakc and hit him when he shot that computer. Or if one of the bullets was going to bounce off a rock, since he was shooting it on the ground (another no no), and hit him.
Plus, I find it a little unnerving that he was willing to hack into his daughters facebook account. I'm sorry, but just because you're a parent, it doesn't give you the right to invade your children's privacy. Its facebook, and she was ranting to her friends, she wasn't building an explosive vest in her bedroom. I can't stand when people make such a big deal out of things like that.
Keep in mind, he wasn't grounding her for not doing her chores, he was grounding her for posting a rant about him on facebook. Which, according to him, disrespected every person on the face of the planet. which, was exactly what he did when he called his own daughter an asshole.
This makes me think that some, not all, but some, of what the girl said in her post was true.
I tend to agree with you, especially on the matter of disrespect. and, though he may have been offended by her rant on facebook, the last time I checked, it wasn't against the law to rant about someone, even if they are your parents. I still stand by what I said that there were only two good things that came out of this, and both lessons could have been taught without resorting to the extreme in which he did.
Jess, it looks like we're in agreement. You took our twitter conversations with different people and summerized it up well.
I think the unfortunate part here is we the people watching this have absolutely no idea what the true story is. On the surface the daughter sounds like a brat. I think it was plain stupid of her to post this on Facebook, though I know that's how people vent these days. If the father's 100%honest, I can understand how he feels. I'd be pretty upset too if my child did that to me, especially after all he did for her. To the matter of him hesitating throughout the video, I doubt he rehearsed exactly what he was going to say. Emotions and every-day issues hault speach sometimes. How many people stumble over what they say. He also warned her once already for this, and she ignored him.
That said, he also pulled the "when I was your age" card, which is pretty elderly juvinile too. I have no idea if he was telling the truth, or just on a power trip. I don't have a problem with him getting into her Facebook only because I remember needing to moniter my brother's internet activity when he was around that place, and some of the sites he was visiting, he really shouldn't have. We also don't even know if he "hacked" into it. People leave themselves logged in all the time. Lots of times people get into one another's facebooks, and post silly things; nobody complains about that.
In one hand, this is a ponient statement about childish disobedience. Kids do need to learn to respect their elders again. But elders also need to respect their children. Don't expect respect if you can't deliver it. In the end I can't dicisively comment on this because I really don't have the whole story. This is just a viral video which people are getting excited about. Now both the father and daughter are in a wierd position. And honestly, the four years grounding is a bit extreme.
Interesting views, coming from someone your age.
Personally I found a lot of the comments vitriolic and childish. A bit of background: He works in I.T., so he says. That means as an IT professional I hold him to a higher standard, he knew this could go viral and understood the consequences of such: consequences that would involve employers not hiring her, colleges not accepting her all sorts of things that viral publicity brings.
Now: was he right? In some ways I don't think he went quite far enough. Looking at the crime, she did not, as he said, put it out there for just her friends. She put it out there for her friends to view on every device conceivable and share with their friends on all their devices and text and IM about all over the Internet. Don't believe me? Go through your Facebook and just try to find the latest spouse of a elbow-relation, through everybody's Friends and Friends of Friends list. What she did was far more serious than can be expressed on the video. Employers know it: they have what seem like draconian laws about what can and cannot be posted on the internet, and by whom. Because once it's out, it never comes back. Never ever ever. Companies have up and died over reputation crashing of this sort.
He did not commit any illegal activities by cracking Facebook: She forgot to put their dog's facebook on the block list for that post, and that is how he found it, by shere accident.
Instead of shooting the laptop, I'd have had her reformat it and put a new OS on it, install apps on it, then hand-deliver it to a poor child who is more deserving, someone who doesn't have a computer and needs it for education.
This airing of dirty laundry is not new to this young generation either. Between two adults that is called character assasination, and it results in lawsuits. This was on Facebook, so not anonymous. They all knew who she was, and who the targets (her parents) were.
I see this on here to a point: kids complaining about what their parents will or won't get them. He said he had worked on that computer for several hours. Probably uninstalling spyware, cleaning up viruses, backing up and restoring data. He's done that a zillion times. But to an average person, this is a daunting task. Most people imagine their technology just works, complain about it when it doesn't, and have no idea what . Perhaps next time he's got a machine that needs those same things done to it, she needs to do it. After she's restored someone's machine, she may appreciate how challenging it is.
The Cleaning Lady comment is another one: I totally get what he's saying there. And again, sounds like some young one needs to just see how the other half lives. I read the follow-up, and it sounds like she's bright and intelligent enough to understand the intent, rather than just going through the motions of what I suggested. Again, I'm not criticizing his methods: he has his and I have mine, and I don't have the background or history with his daughter. Just as he doesn't have the same with mine. I don't think she's going to decide to go shooting, or that she'll turn psycho.
My concern is with the viral video. I'm sorry, but he's in I.T, he knew better than to do that. I was a fool at 15. My parents did what parents do with young fools. I lost privileges on more than one occasion, precisely because I lacked the maturity to appreciate them. But what my parents didn't do was put something out for all time. So my acts of youth are washed under the tide of history. I get it that many parents aren't tech-savvy enough to appreciate the viral nature of this situation, but he is. Already in his career, he's participated in damage control because some 40-something woman spread pictures after the office Christmas party and some guy had porn in the office, seen by clients who formed an opinion on the company. Something gets out, even if the admin wipes it from the server, it's already hit the highway and the world has it.
This goes back as far as FAX machines. And he knows it. I sat and watched, remembering a few choice stupid things I myself did and took just punishment for, but I had the luxury of growing up in a time when such youthful indiscretions, while dealt with, didn't make the news and weren't sealed into my record for all time. He, the IT professional, had complete control of that happening or not. I don't think we know how devastating viral content can be. Ironically I had a conversation with my daughter over a year ago, one of those preemptive kind. I told her then that what you post on the Internet can and will be used against you in the court of public opinion. In this case, her Facebook post could, would be, and has been used against her parents and her in the court of public opinion of her friends, her friends' parents, other armchair parents or parent-advice-givers-without-kids. He was right to be upset, and for more reasons than he let on on the video, and as an IT professional he well knows it. I mainly contest the posting of the video. I don't know how a human being recovers from something going global and viral. I've seen comment about it from as far away as New Zealand.
This gets into sacrificing potential job opportunities, reputation problems down the road, ever getting a chance to be a public figure of some kind. If she ever wants a job that involves anything other than being a complete wallflower, this is going to be dragged out. Going viral could well be a virtual death sentence. I don't believe we truly know the gross ramifications of it. But precisely his outrage at her post on the Internet describes the justifiable reasons why we don't post things on public websites that defame other people. Kids, if you ever grow up and do something like post an accurate but scathing smackdown on a public website, ruining someone's reputation worldwide, prepare to be sued for untold damages. I cannot imagine a life where I could never give a first impression, where nearly everyone has heard about some fool thing I did at 15 forever and ever, seen the video, read the writing, formed an opinion. It's over. I've seen people ruined over much smaller reputation smears, and companies flattened over much narrower spreading of indiscretions.
The sheer terror and magnitude of viral instances like this is appalling. I've yet to see anybody really recover from a viral situation. In this case, I don't think he stopped and thought about it, or as a dad and a professional he would never have made that video. Now imagine she's 30, together, and wants to be taken seriously by city council on an important issue. Her opponent brings in the video, all over again, just to show her as out of touch or a slovenly worker. Her dad wouldn't do that, many people wouldn't do that, but somebody would. Even if right now he took down that video, it's out there. People have grabbed it, made copies of it, will show it at parties, will poster-show it all over. We just don't know how devastating viral content really is. Most employers have a pretty good idea, though, because they protect themselves against just such an enormous and uncontrollable liability. And kids, don't you dare do it. Don't do it to the employer you don't like, don't do it to prove a point, don't do it to your parents, your teachers, your kids. When you do, you will have killed someone, but left them alive to know it. Reputation assasination is a lot like murder, especially on such a global scale. Even if she made a response video, it would never be as popular as his. Courts are full of companies contesting this very same thing all over the country. again, as an I.T. professional, he very well knows it had he stopped and thought. I just don't think we know the magnitude of such a global-scale impact on one human being's ability to have a professional reputation down the road or be taken seriously. I hope I'm dead-ass wrong, and proven the complete fool on this count.
He took a very eye for an eye; you do it to me I'll do it to you, but worse, type of approach. I have a very hard time respecting this, even though I am young and haven't been out of my parents' house for very long. the crime was wrong, and the punishment was worse.
We'll see if she's able to recover from this sort of viral attack. Again, we won't really know till she's 70 years old and retired, because the ramifications to her career ambitions, relationships, community involvement and all else, is absolutely fierce.
What happened off-camera is one thing. But on camera, we truly won't know the effects until she's 70 years old and retired, if she ever could work. She may come out all sweet and say on a video that she was so sorry, everyone loves a comeback kid, many people will say "Oh, it all came out OK." In reality, it's been said from satellites all over the world, and cannot be taken back.
There's a story of an old man who was confronted by a lady apologizing for the gossip she'd spread. His response was to tell her, "Go kill a chicken for dinner. Then take the feathers out and throw them into the wind. Then come to me and let me know."
She came back and told him the job was done. He said, "Ok, now go get all the feathers and bring them back to me."
Of course she can't, and he can't do this either. But instead of spreading the feathers through a small town, he broadcast them from space. Again, they can all look forward to this being on the big screen at parties, people calling his girl bitch from every corner of the country, people forming opinions about her based on this video when she's 35 and at a PTA meeting. This is what happens when reputations get smeared, and it's precisely why employers work so hard and spend so much money to protect themselves from just this kind of viral assault.
I would hope this would not be the result. However, I certainly see the potential for a disaster like this.
in response to the part of post one stating the daughter was taught a lesson, how can we, who weren't in this situation, say whether that's true? for all we know, she'll grow up resenting her father for what he did, and finding other ways to express herself.
I agree with Leo.
In response to the daughter being taught a lesson, I guess that really depends on her outlook on life, and experience. I would hope she would be inteligent enough to learn something from this, but if she really is the whiny little victim portrayed in the video, then perhaps not. for her sake, though, I would hope she learned, if nothing else, that nothing has guaranteed privacy. I'm sure that's what her dad was *trying* to teach her, if he's telling the truth. Now, it's really in her hands.
I think both parties were incredibly wrong and misguider.
The daughter was wrong for posting such a thing on the Internet for all time, for whomever to read. This is not a friend venting to another friend about real stresses in life. This is a poor-me, my-life-sucks, I want all theb sympathy I can get because my life is sooooooooooo hard.
Foolish, foolish girl.
And like Leo has said, this father has - by posting this video - caused his daughter to always look over her shoulder, wondering when her bratty behavior will be shown for someone important to see - ten, fifteen, twenty years down the line. I'm nt even going to address the merits of shooting the computer, except to say that it made him look like a hick.
Hopefully this silly girl will be much more careful what she says online, and this dad will realize what he's done to hsi daughter's future.
Kate
I would like to just point out one thing though. Raise your hand if you knew that her post existed before this video? Yeah, not a single one of you has your hand up, do you? Now, how many of us know about this video, or about the news reports that were made of it? Yeah, all of you have your hands up now, right?
I know people , and yes LEO, your guilty, claim that if you put something on the internet that is damaging, then it is out there forever, and everyone can find it, and that is true. However, a post on your wall when you're fifteen is a drop in the bucket. I garantee, if her father had not made this video, her friends would have looked at it, said, "yeah, fuck him", then gone about their day. Its what kids do.
Think back, how many times when you were a kid did you go to your friends and go, "I hate my mother, she's so evil, i wish I could just kill her", or something like that? Don't lie, you did it at least once. Now, the next day, did you even remember it? Probably not. Because kids do that. They rant to their friends, and then they forget. Facebook doesn't make that any different.
I find it incredibly difficult to believe that a college would dig several years back into her past to the time when she was fifteen, read a post about her parents, and gone, "Hmmm, you know, you have great grades, good test scores, and wonderful extracoricular activities, but you posted this thing a few years ago that we don't really like much, you can't come here". Seriously, do you honestly think that colleges have people whose job it is to go through facebook for each one of the thousands of people they interview? Of course not. Colleges don't do that. Hell, the deans at my college don't even know how to use facebook.
However, I can promise you they know how to read a newspaper, and what the father did is in the newspaper. His video is not only going viral, but its getting reporters involved, newspapers, and the list probably goes on. His daughter just posted on her wall. And yes, that is all she did. Her friends didn't go around and go, "hey, look what Emily wrote about her parents". You know how I know they didn't do that? Because its not what kids do.
If it was a naked picture, I might agree with you to an extent, a few boys probably sent it to each other. But all she did was bitch about her parents. Its not that big a deal.
Parents, if you have kids, let me clue you in on something. At one point in their lives, your kids have gone to their friends and told them how much of an ass you are. You know why, cuz you're an authority figure. If you think back hard enough, you'll remember doing it too.
But, I'm just spouting off, I can't prove any of this, or can I? I'm going to make a challenge. Go to google and try and find, through a google search, the post the daughter made on facebook. You can type in whatever you like, then come back here and tell us what you searched for so we can see it. If you can find it with a google search, I'll retract what I said here. I already know you can find the father's video with a google search, I've done it. Can you find the daughter's?
Which is why my contention is with the father. His video is the problem.
I guarantee my daughter has probably told her friends her dad was an ass more than once, and sometimes you're right it was because I'm the authority figures, other times it was because her dad was an ass.
Everybody, and that includes 40s-and-up, needs to know the difference between a rant with the friends and a piece of written communication on the web. I would say even IM or texts are different, it's a lot more temporary and isn't quite sealed. That video is the part that is going to be remembered and damaging later unless her career goals don't involve the public eye. Maybe it is a generational thing, but I do believe there is a pretty significant difference between a all-out rant with the supportive friends and a post on Facebook. I have seen real ramifications where what gets posted over the Internet gets out of control.
The father's video is exactly such a situation. Important to learn this at 15 before working at Target someday and writing antagonistic things about your employer, subsequently getting fired from the job when all your friends shared it with their friends who shared it with theirs.
That did in fact happen out here. I'm not saying the employer was right, but learning this lesson is part of navigating the world we live in.
The father is a douche bag.
The daughter is a teenager and hates her parents, thinks they're lazy, stupid, and inconsiderate assholes. Why is that so shocking to this guy? I don't think the daughter did anything wrong concerning this post, and perhaps it is because I tweet about how much I hate my mother, how stupid she is, how I need to adopt a new mom, how my mother is Satan's apprentice (although that's probably insulting to Satan) and so on. The father broke one of the ten commandments of living with someone, and that is, never snoop because you're always going to find something you wish you hadn't. This goes for parents and children, siblings, relatives, significant others, and roommates. This dude is reacting as a child would because that's how most parents do, they are really just as childish and foolish as their own children, that is where the children get it from, and that is why they clash. I'm sure the daughter resents him for this, and I'm sure he will never get back all the money he's asking for.
I don't care whose story is true, the father is in the wrong by destroying the laptop because that is one of the seven deadly sins. Damaging or destroying technology is most certainly the work of the devil. This was not a punishment, this is revenge, and also very dumb because it will solve absolutely nothing. She will sneak out of the house, she will use other people's computers, she will still have no respect for her parents, continue to think they are lazy, domineering, and inconsiderate, and this will cause more tension in the relationship and household.
Well said, Leo.
Lightning, I can agree with you too. I doubt any of us knew this girl or cared who she was. In another few days, this video will have likely disappeared from our minds entirely. But the unfortunate thing is we have heard about it. We are inconsequencial; we'll never meet her. It's likely nobody, not even an employer will ever stumble on this again when this girl's old enough to find meaningful employment. That said, employers do search potential candidates online. Facebook, youtube, it doesn't matter. This is unfortunately a potentially horrible situation for her. If nothing else, you can be certain everyone at school's seen this. I know I'd hate to be in that position. She was a brat and he was a douche. I can empathize with both of them to a point, but this is one of those videos, much like a good portion of other viral videos which should never have existed.
Ok, after doing some online research, I found that the most common searcher of social networking is a perspective job. However, it also said that the best thing you can do, is set your profile to private. That way, the person searching can't see anything. This, should have been known to pretty much everybody already.
However, I do have to say that one of the biggest complaints that the businesses found against people they searched on facebook was that they didn't type well. I don't think I'd want to work for someone who expects me to proofread everything I write in my own personal space. I don't wear business suits when I'm going out with friends, why would I proofread everything I put up on facebook?
Personally, I think if a person who I was trying to get a job with said, "we're going to look you up on facebook", I'd tell them thanks but no thanks. I think a job should be a job, and personal life should be a personal life.
I couldn't agree more. having said that, a potential employer is a potential employer. How long are you going to have to look to find someone who doesn't care what you post on various social networks?
Not really all that long, since most of the businesses that admitted to doing this were in IT or in a heavily secretive arena. I don't plan on searching for jobs in that sectre, so I'm not too worried about it.
good to know. I completely understand background checks, but social networks, and other personal passtimes really should be left out. After all, what does going out with friends on Friday night have anything to do with your work performance during the day?
I guess it depends on who's looking, and what sort of job you're looking for. I mean I for one wouldn't really want a weekend jailbate seeking lush in a position of grand responsibility at whatever company I happened to be hiring for. Extreme example? Perhaps. But a little self-monitering never heard anyone. Anyone can make a resume and cover letter look good. It's not completely difficult to fake confidence and compitence during an interview. But who are we hiring REALLY?
OK. Honestly, if you're posting on your facebook about the details of all your illegal activities, then maybe you deserve to be caught. I would hope most people would have more sense than that.
I think that the father has a right to take away the pap top cause he put a lot of effort and time in putting money in to it like if it were a car. I think that the child did not appreciate what she was given.
Yes, but if he had just taken it away, I don't think we'd be having this discussion right now. Parents take away priviliges from their kids all the time as punishment. that doesn't mean you shoot said priviliges up, literally.
Exactly. Guns are very rarely the answer. I'm sad to say this, but he really did come of as a bit of a hick. Ocean Dream, you're right. People should have more sense than to post illegal, degrading or self-destructive updates on social media. The unfortunate thing is social media is a good way for everyone to draw attention to themselves. And there are some people out there who LOVE attention.
I honestly don't know what I think because no one ever will know what goes on in that house.
if this case ever went to trial, you'd be a good jurrer.
having said that, whether the father was telling the complete truth and his only intention was to punish his daughter, or he was a complete idiot who should suffer the same fait as his daughter's laptop, a few things are clearly wrong here. Several of us have already stated what those are, so I won't repeat myself, but the only conclusion we really cannot draw here is the issue of the chores. Are they justified or not? and her facebook rant: Was that justified or not?
On a related note, this discussion reminds me of things I've heard recently about how if your email address is anything but your first initial and last name, or your first and last name, employers won't want to hire you. I think that's stupid. Are we really so intent on wiping out individuality that your email address can't even be unique? Of course, if you go into a job interview and your employer asks for your email address, it's probably not a good idea to respond with something like cumguzzler69@hotmail.com. But a little common sense goes a long way.
I like the idea of having a personal and business-oriented account for most things. That way, you're employer most likely won't find anything you won't want them to see, but at the same time you won't be completely hidden should they want to see what you've been up to online. I still don't agree with that approach, but if it will increase my chances of getting hired without compromising my personal life, I'll do it.
Well, as far as your email goes, it's none of your employer's business what's in your email, unless it's an account given to you by the company. Then, of course, you should keep whatever is in it strictly professional. What I'm taking issue with is the fact that your email address can't be anything other than something to do with your name if you want to be seen in a good light. I don't see what the hell it matters, honestly.
One thing's for sure, CYFD wouldn't like this. lol
But taking a 45 and shooting a laptop was too extreme. Taking the laptop away was justifiable, in my opinion, because posting something like that does show disrespect, not only to her parents, but to herself as well.
This is just one reason I don't even have a Facebook anymore. The simplest thing can be misconstrued as threatening or politically incorrect, and no one will hire you. It's disgusting. I intend to keep everything I do online as anonymous as possible.
Well, to be fair to the dad, at least, if the rumors are true that is, he really didn't have to look hard to find her post. she had forgotten to block the dog's account, and that was her own fault.
Which, to me, begs only one question. why the hell does your dog have a facebook? Your dog does not need a facebook, its a dog, it can't type. If you have a dog that can type, then it can have a facebook, but dogs can't type.
Here here, Lightning. I've been asking myself that very question for years now. Guide dog people seem to do it the most, but it doesn't stop there.
I didn't know it was any more pronounced amongst the guide dog users but Cody it befuzzles me also: doggie people give their dogs Facebook and Twitter accounts.
I mean, I kept birds for quite a number of years - before the YouTwitFace conglomerate but still, I myself may have posted on bird forums but never signed their names and never created accounts for them either. Something we'll never understand I guess.
Cody, you do have a good point as far as the dog stuff goes. I've often wondered why people do that as well. Like you said, obviously dogs can't type, nor will they ever learn to type, unless they have some kind of special technique that I don't know of that would allow for them to type. I have a few friends on facebook who did just that. I honestly don't like the idea and think it's absolutely stupid, but to each their own I guess.
Yeah, when I had a facebook, I hated that too. And I always wondered why it was only dogs, why not cats since people love them just as much?
F&R, I think some people do actually create facebook accounts for their cats. I don't get it either. if you want to put pictures of your pets on facebook, why not just upload a photo of them to your own account, and put a caption there saying "Here's a picture of my adorable dog", or something like that.
Having said that, it seems to be very common, even more so than I originally thought. So, and again, this is assuming everything we've seen and heard from this video and all the resulting rumors is true, I honestly don't think this girl's dad created a facebook for the dog just to try to sneak in and look at what she posted.
I feel that if parents are going to allow their children on the computer,then monitoring needs to take place. Children do not need to be online unsupervised. This will keep them out of trouble. Children need guidance, and sometimes they need disciplie. If left to their own devices, children can do some disasterous things. I thank God for the guidance that the adults in my life gave me over the years. It has not only allowed me to stay out of certain situations, but it has helped me to develop into an adult who can make sound decisions.
Concerning respect, I do believe that there must also be a level of respect between parent and child. We teach children respect by modeling it to them, but this does not mean that children can have free reign and be on the same level as the parents. A delicate ballance needs to be in place, and the children must also recognize who is the authority figure. If children are not taught to respect authority early in life, then they will not respect it later. I will also say that just because parents are in authority does not give them the right to mistreat the children or misuse their authority, as some are a custom to doing.
Agreed. But boy is it annoying at the time.:)
I'm sorry, but children are not always going to respect their parents, and that is just how it is. Just like parents say mean shit about their children to their face and behind their backs, children do the same thing. As I've said before, parents and children clash so much because most parents are just as childish as their offspring. Children often reflect the behavior of their parents.
Also, while parents are the authority, I don't think it is okay for them to treat their child like a servant. I don't oppose chores, but this girl's Facebook post described something more than chores.
Also, I don't think that parents should monitor their child's use of technology unless they have reason to believe their child is involved in something illegal or harmful to themselves or another. This chick was just ranting about how she can't stand her parents, how is that harming anyone?
I still take my previously stated position. The douche dad is in the wrong, he shouldn't have snooped.
Children are as much people as adults. they have thoughts, feelings, needs, desires and worries just like their adult counterparts. I know a parent/child relationship isn't exactly like a friendship. I do agree that parents do have some authority, but many parents seriously overstep their boundries where that's concerned, in my opinion. they're supposed to be guides for their children, and yes, sometimes that does involve a bit of tough love. But this isn't tough love; it's an abuse of power. I know at one point, the thought of parents having anything but absolute power over their children was simply unheard of, but we're moving into a different time period, now. Sometimes the best punishment you can give your children for their behavior is none at all. Let them battle the elements on their own, learn the consequences of messing up in the real world on their own, and let them try to fight their way out of it on their own. I know it's difficult for some to watch the one you love the most crash and burn when you have the means to pull them back, but if you let them screw up, then they'll know for sure it was their mistake, and not yours for stopping them. And if they still try to blame it on you; if they still insist they'd rather be on their own, let them, and see just how long it takes for them to realize their mistakes aren't because of you.
another extremely important part of being a parent is being able to admit when you make a mistake. if you're children know you're not perfect, but that you're willing to take responsibility for your own mishaps, they'll probably feel more at ease about doing the same.
Here here, Sapphire. I couldn't have said it better myself. I remember seeing a website that a parent could use to connect to their child's Facebook, Myspace or Twitter accounts. If the child's statuses used certain words about things such as drugs, sex or suicide, an email would be sent to the parents with the offending status. I might be wrong, but I think it tracked curse words too. That is so wrong on so many levels. First of all, how would the site know if you were even a parent? A malicious person could use it to spread gossip, an employer could use it to track what everyone in their company does, or, hell, I bet I could have used it to keep tabs on my own account. Second of all, I would be extremely weary of a system that's triggered by words or phrases alone. Things can easily be blown out of context that way.
FireAndRain, you're exactly right about that website.
Also, what most people don't understand is that snooping on anyone means that you don't trust them. Once kids find out their parents are snooping, they will realize their parents do not trust them, and that they cannot trust their parents. And that goes for any relationship.
This reminds of te fiasco that erupted when a judge's daughter in I believe Texas posted a video on YouTube of her dad whipping her repeatedly with a belt and swearing at her for illegally downloading some Japanese Anime. My guess is it had less to do with the fact that what she'd done was illegal than it did with the fact that he was worried his daughter's actions might harm his reputation and jeopardize his position of authority. Granted children should be taught that stealing is wrong, but beating them with a belt and calling them names while doing it is not the answer.